dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
