pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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