I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
