My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just puked most of my soul out..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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