Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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