What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
