Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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