so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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