well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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