i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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