Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
