I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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