Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She announced her abortion via fbk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
