I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
