I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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