how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
