Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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