Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
