i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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