I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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