he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
