There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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