Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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