I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
