Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
