He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize