hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
