note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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