Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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