What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i think i have two assholes
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize