i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
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It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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