they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
