This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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