she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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