I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Congratulations! We have a period
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