Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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