oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
