I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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