My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize