How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
