Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
