Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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