I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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