HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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