I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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