It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
