I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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