I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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