I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
