My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
