So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
