CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
