Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
