Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
