He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need a beard to bite.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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