would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
