I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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