Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
