please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
