I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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