I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
