She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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