as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize