i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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