your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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