where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
