a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
