big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
