Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
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She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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