im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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