i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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