and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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